Silence of a Bird If I cry alone Epitaph to a Marriage We open our hearts so freely Hope Who? We've got it all You've got that look again It is a sure thing ...I can say No False Affirmations We hide in Silence Lessons from a walk in the dark UNBROKEN VOWS Like a bird 2 o'clock No Happy Ending Deadly Storm What a Lad! I know now I am not your possession to abuse and keep You were right, it's dramatic, and all for show But it was you in the lead role, so desperate to grow Like a parasite you tried to consume and destroy my life Like a human being I tried to be your partner, friend and wife Go back to where you came from; it is what you do best Go back to being nothing,; an annoying little pest And when you get there be sure look up high Can you see me beaming brightly, lighting up the sky Each night I am reminded that you are evil, selfish and vile Each night I am reminded how lucky I am, blessed and smile You should see them now you've gone; happy, confident and born again All their own work, they erased you and survived any pain It was much easier than I thought; you can't miss what was never there But unlike you, I did feel true love, I wanted to grow, experience and share What a waste, a pointless thought and an unwanted gift All you saw was credibility, an excuse and blame to shift It is getting closer, that beautiful light calling me Close my eyes spread my wings and I am flying free It's over, just give up and please let us be Never again imprisoned, now and forever I'm holding the key Your self-pity and fairy tales fall on deaf ears Your stories and lies create no sympathy tears One by one everyone is hearing the truth T. there will be pain I try to make things calm, quiet and fast You try to justify, lie and buck pass Please don't put me in a box It doesn't hurt anymore, that's just how it goes I can cope; survive as long as the world never knows Keep my cards to my chest and my true feelings very near But you are getting more powerful, your greatest weapon; my fear Please don't put me in a box A moment of clarity, I'm not protecting them, like I think My greatest failing, my babies, I begin to sink Do to me what you can; they are my reason to fight Tear up all the carpets, there's no where left to put this out of sight But, please don't put me in a box There are agencies a plenty desperate to stand by our side They promise to make a difference; there will be a change of tide Stop, shock horror there is a pigeon hole on reserve Wasn't expecting that, a real ball with a curve Why are you putting me in a box? And if pain has a voice Is it a sob, a cry in the dark?A Childhood Lost At the top of the stairs I Can't If you have a poem or anything else you have written to share with us, please email me. They say These clever scientist folks, That there is such a thing As learned helplessness; Cage a rat Subject it To repeated trauma Until it is so tired of fighting It will lie in the corner And take the pain Not leaving Even when the door is opened I know this to be true This has been me Cowering In the corner Begging With imploring eyes For you to shut the door And stop confronting me With impossible choices My body Is the landscape Over which You wish to roam Explore Discover New territory To claim for your own I am no longer an easy surrender Conquistador Adventurer Be tender In your approach And I may let you enjoy For too many Would-be conquerors If they cannot possess Will seek instead To destroy Every bruise you gave me Has become a battleshield Every scar you gave me Has regenerated Stronger skin You can't touch me now Every bone broken by you Has healed Every tear shed for you Has long since dried You can't reach me now I'm peaceful I've stopped the war You can't hurt me Any more There comes a time When you have to forget When nothing is left When things buried Have been brought to light Burned away And the ashes scattered To the winds There comes a time When nothing is left When all sounds Have faded away Even that Of goodbye I would love to say Part of me still cherishes you But it would be A lie. I have rights, and a voice, how loud must I be before I am heard This is all mixed up, not me, the system; crazy and disturbed Now it's you with that look again And I've got shame, isolation and even more pain Why are you putting me in a box? And if I cry alone, Then no-one will hear it, And if no-one hears it Does it make a sound?For Eighteen years as a tiny seed I was buffeted Swirling through the eddy of a tumultuous young early life No chance of settling anywhere No chance of tentatively putting out a root No chance of a tender green shoot At twenty I was scooped up Longing for roots to grow and shoots to appear ~ this was it I was excited, my life adventure awaited Soon I would know who I was What I was capable of becoming By twenty three I was in full bloom A fantastic family A beautiful house A wonderful lifestyle At forty I knew something was wrong These weren't my roots, neither my shoots It all began to feel very uncomfortable My shoots only blossomed when I behaved in a certain way No freedom to express ME ~ These shoots were carefully tied to an immoveable frame The blossom only appeared under the most controlled of circumstances Clipped and pruned to within an inch of my life One exquisite blossom a year These weren't my roots, neither my shoots At forty five I realized Me, the tiny seed, scooped up at twenty Put in a cold store to prevent true germination Carefully packaged to show the world a wonderful extension of someone else Packaged by a promotions expert So expertly done ~ all saw the blossom, none noticed the lack of perfume No one could see the seed in cold store ~ not even me And then I did I saw a tiny seed slowly dehydrating, dark and cold, life force slipping away And I made a decision I wanted to see what that seed would grow in to At forty seven the seed rattled and rattled in the packaging until the layers came loose The seed was free Vulnerable and new, the seed took stock In shock the seed stood still awhile And then it started to happen The seed began to grow The virgin shoot pushed and pushed at the tough outer shell until one day There before the world stood a brand new plant A plant with true roots, a firm stem and tender leaves unfurling Feeling the sun and the moon, the rain and the stars This is different This is so much better I may never make it to full bloom or be a prize specimen to be gasped over again And it's great This is real Who knows how I will grow, grow I will and it will be ME I turn to face the sun every day I rejoice in the adventure of life I grow into being all I'm capable of, the best that I can be This is real This is living Breathing, looking, feeling and walking Deciding, choosing, living and talking Just like a developing child; an adolescent learning Just like an endless beginning a genuine yearning Independent, supported or alone Beg, borrow, or maybe one day I'll even own There is definitely a light and it is calling me Close my eyes spread my wings and I will fly free No more shame, pretend, cheap smiles and lies No more ifs, buts, maybes or whys? Sitting the dark The TVs on No one speaks But the furry I feel inside my stomach lining is turning A bird with no sound many nights laying in bed, you beside me, a million thoughts 200% full of emotion and if I were to speak, I would then have to bare your revolt And I grow resentful inside of who I have become, paying too high a price for peace This trap, you rescued me, but then you wanted my soul So I holdback my talking, to make things okay, when they clearly are not But my wings are down and to fight with you would leave me exhausted the next day And I have to keep flying, AM report to work Take care of to others emotions and there are so many bricks on my shoulders to support So my silence was your enemy I realized I could never give you enough It was your fear of abandonment that made me leave And there is no fixing this There is only separate lives And I need to soar once again. You met me in the spring; my garden was just beginning to bloom.I did not ask to be put up there just a fair hearing and trial yet when your column of false images fails I will be to blame We hide in silence Keeping our thoughts in safes Locked away for fear of not being believed We hide in our homes In the comfort of the known The prison where we know to follow rules We hide in isolation Self-imposed through lack of self We hide behind our roles Our duties to each other Never letting on the person behind the scenes We hide for fear of being Lest we should wake up and try to live. The nights you tower over me just to make me feel As if the blame and shame are mine-and my feelings are not real.Meandering out on a moonlit night Avoiding the lanes with neon light Feeling the cold against my cheek Gathering strength for another week Mind crowded out by trouble's the norm But Jesus slept through the storm I look at the moon and the world at large And try to remember who's in charge My life is so transient next to a star The heavens so high yet God not far As dark surrounds each forward stride So God does catch each hurt I cried If I had only known you'd give just one thing to me, It was your promise on our wedding day-the one didn't keep. But you don't know that with each blow and hurt you have to give, The more you build my silent nerve, and my will to live.
Sometimes I tended the weeds and neglected the flowers; ignored the weaker delicate ones, not knowing their worth. I opened the gates and you entered where no other had been before.
The roots were widespread; it took time but soon they were gone.
In their place I planted new flowers: their scent sweet.
The sun will learn to smile again The waves will soar and toss When we have sifted out the mud From hidden pearls in dross The wind will whisper soothing words To all who hear in peace the raging storm will clear the deck And then the clouds will cease.
The sand itself will laugh and sing The trees will up and dance As joy and peace and love and truth are given lasting chance.